meh...
More death dreams... not making me very happy.
Got up late today; I thought forcing myself to sleep in some would make me feel a bit better, but I'm anything other than bursting with positivity. So I thought I'd eat, have some tea; I did some vacuuming which usually makes me feel better. Now I'm on Little Geek trying to find something to entertain me.
Did I mention I'm not even doing any work right now? I can't get the motivation... I'm slipping behind (well, I'm OK for now with actual assignments and practicals, but I've stopped doing the reading for my classes, not that that should hurt me at all though -- but I feel bad about it).
Anyway, trying to enjoy some music, I opened an old folder and listened to Callin' Out which was pretty neutral with me, good. Then Scott Weiland's Lady, Your Roof Brings Me Down, and missed Bill a bit. Then The General, urrrk... Something made me put on Hedwig and The Band ... for my own safety I quickly slipped into the TV folder and listened to the Buffy theme which made me nearly start sobbing, remembering all those times at Zete...
Sometimes (often) I can't stand being at school, moreso living in Zete. I was seriously considering moving off campus for next year, and was |--| this close to doing so had the logistics of being abroad made it too difficult. I've gotten fairly fed up with the house in some ways, and too many nights I was in my room, bored, sad, and missing better times. Right now, optimism deep down says I'm glad that I'll be in house next year (well, the first semester at least?) just because I don't know who I will be living around -- it's a mystery and that's exciting.
I miss America though... it's just too comical a place; too many conveniences and things I am simply used to... I have control, when I'm home, over my environment -- which I don't feel at all here. I feel like a beggar on the street, I suppose. Maybe it's because the university is too big, and I came midyear when everyone already made their friends. Circumstance could be the cause; regardless, I'm where I am, and feeling as I feel.
I miss so many people. I wonder if I was experiencing this with them, if that would make it better, worse? It'll be many months until September though... until then I'm not sure how I will occupy myself. Summer job will be perfectly distracting... during the day. Just like going to classes to pass the time. The night has always been a problem for me.
Perhaps this is just a bad day. I wish I could motivate myself to work, that always makes me feel better when I finish something. I tend to hear people say how when they're ready to leave, they really fall in love with being abroad -- how convenient :-/
Waiting for Tracy is the one thing that's keeping me going at the moment. She is coming, so I damn must be here to receive her. And then it'll be fairly quick after that. I mean, I've only got one more week of classes -- then examinations! The system is so unusual here -- perhaps I'll be happier without classes -- perhaps it'll be yet another void to fill. Hopefully, if my 'finals' are scheduled well, I can just be done with things early and quietly do whatever I want for a few weeks.
Just to address classes: I'm not sure how I feel about the school system. Yeah, everyone is much better at writing, and more used to writing essays for everything. All assignments in every class except upper level informatics boil down to bloody essays -- I don't think it's a good thing. Classes feel too short and I don't feel like they are rigorous enough -- too much hinges on the final (2 hour essay, most likely) -- what kind of system is that? I'm probably two years ahead, in practice, of people here -- yet, somehow, they do churn out good projects here, it is a good CS school and the department is huge. I don't know. As much as I hate all the CS work @Brown, I guess in many ways I like how it keeps me on my toes and gives me a portfolio at the end.
I still love my architecture course -- though I feel cheated that the only way the teacher will "know" me is through two stupid (truly idiotic) essays and then a comprehensive final. I've learned so much in that class and I feel like the prof will never know that. It's a bit of a let-down.
Actually, that makes me feel a bit better. It's time to have a snack, take a bath, and do some work. I don't think they day will get any better, but I'll try to make the most of it. Cheerio.
Got up late today; I thought forcing myself to sleep in some would make me feel a bit better, but I'm anything other than bursting with positivity. So I thought I'd eat, have some tea; I did some vacuuming which usually makes me feel better. Now I'm on Little Geek trying to find something to entertain me.
Did I mention I'm not even doing any work right now? I can't get the motivation... I'm slipping behind (well, I'm OK for now with actual assignments and practicals, but I've stopped doing the reading for my classes, not that that should hurt me at all though -- but I feel bad about it).
Anyway, trying to enjoy some music, I opened an old folder and listened to Callin' Out which was pretty neutral with me, good. Then Scott Weiland's Lady, Your Roof Brings Me Down, and missed Bill a bit. Then The General, urrrk... Something made me put on Hedwig and The Band ... for my own safety I quickly slipped into the TV folder and listened to the Buffy theme which made me nearly start sobbing, remembering all those times at Zete...
Sometimes (often) I can't stand being at school, moreso living in Zete. I was seriously considering moving off campus for next year, and was |--| this close to doing so had the logistics of being abroad made it too difficult. I've gotten fairly fed up with the house in some ways, and too many nights I was in my room, bored, sad, and missing better times. Right now, optimism deep down says I'm glad that I'll be in house next year (well, the first semester at least?) just because I don't know who I will be living around -- it's a mystery and that's exciting.
I miss America though... it's just too comical a place; too many conveniences and things I am simply used to... I have control, when I'm home, over my environment -- which I don't feel at all here. I feel like a beggar on the street, I suppose. Maybe it's because the university is too big, and I came midyear when everyone already made their friends. Circumstance could be the cause; regardless, I'm where I am, and feeling as I feel.
I miss so many people. I wonder if I was experiencing this with them, if that would make it better, worse? It'll be many months until September though... until then I'm not sure how I will occupy myself. Summer job will be perfectly distracting... during the day. Just like going to classes to pass the time. The night has always been a problem for me.
Perhaps this is just a bad day. I wish I could motivate myself to work, that always makes me feel better when I finish something. I tend to hear people say how when they're ready to leave, they really fall in love with being abroad -- how convenient :-/
Waiting for Tracy is the one thing that's keeping me going at the moment. She is coming, so I damn must be here to receive her. And then it'll be fairly quick after that. I mean, I've only got one more week of classes -- then examinations! The system is so unusual here -- perhaps I'll be happier without classes -- perhaps it'll be yet another void to fill. Hopefully, if my 'finals' are scheduled well, I can just be done with things early and quietly do whatever I want for a few weeks.
Just to address classes: I'm not sure how I feel about the school system. Yeah, everyone is much better at writing, and more used to writing essays for everything. All assignments in every class except upper level informatics boil down to bloody essays -- I don't think it's a good thing. Classes feel too short and I don't feel like they are rigorous enough -- too much hinges on the final (2 hour essay, most likely) -- what kind of system is that? I'm probably two years ahead, in practice, of people here -- yet, somehow, they do churn out good projects here, it is a good CS school and the department is huge. I don't know. As much as I hate all the CS work @Brown, I guess in many ways I like how it keeps me on my toes and gives me a portfolio at the end.
I still love my architecture course -- though I feel cheated that the only way the teacher will "know" me is through two stupid (truly idiotic) essays and then a comprehensive final. I've learned so much in that class and I feel like the prof will never know that. It's a bit of a let-down.
"Wearily on I go, pain and misery my only companions. And vast intelligence, of course. And infinite sorrow. I despise you all."
- Marvin, the Paranoid Android
Actually, that makes me feel a bit better. It's time to have a snack, take a bath, and do some work. I don't think they day will get any better, but I'll try to make the most of it. Cheerio.
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